Long ago was my first time
I tried what I shouldn’t have
Strange at first but stopped nevertheless
I enjoyed it the most and felt no stress
Curious to try something new
I did it without fear, as I always do
Pleasure was the wish, the cause and the result.
Now I can’t remember
When was that first time
I’ve lost count, might never kept any
It was a routine, everyday necessity
Can’t remember when this hobby became my habit
But nevertheless, I was in caves now
So deep so dark in the bottom of the seas
Surrounded by darkness drowned in liquid
How did I breath?
Slowly I was dying but little did I care
As long as I got my habit I felt alive
Wasn’t long till someone got concerned
And showed me the mirror
My soul appeared scorched.
Now I hesitated, doubted my habit but not gave it up
But this was enough, a little light in darkness
From here reached hands which rescued me
From my own demons, my insidious foes
I tried hard, tried for long
To cure this prolonged disease,
I thought I was my own master but urges were defiant
Resisting all control.
Even after all, I recovered
Remission will continue the rest of my life
All I had to do now is make up for the lost time
But how could one recover a completely lost life
It looks worthless now what was once inseparable to me
All my precious time with my loved ones, such a waste
Still they are the ones I owe my existence to
Their love changed me or maybe prevented a horrible change
My most regretful of deeds,
For all the love I received, I only inflicted pain.
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